Step Six

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

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In Steps Four and Five, we claimed our resentments and fears (our “things”). Steps Six and Seven are the heart of the 12 step program, because it is here that we address the driving force behind our things. To truly weed out the feelings of overwhelm and chaos, we must find the root cause: The Thing Beneath the Thing.

Tools like the Step Four Inventory and the Enneagram help us identify our Thing Beneath the Thing. In Step 6, we prepare ourselves to change by becoming self-aware, honest, and willing.

READ MORE: Common Character Defenses in Over-Functioners & Codependents

Character Defense	Description	Purpose
People-Pleasing	Saying yes when you mean noTaking responsibility for others’ moods, needs, or problemsAvoiding conflict at all costs	Keeps relationships stable and prevents abandonment—at the expense of self. Fear of abandonment or disapproval.
Caretaking/ Over-functioning	Fixing, rescuing, or managing othersFeeling needed to feel valuableDoing more than your share	Creates a sense of control and safety by focusing on others instead of yourself. Protects against chaos, helplessness, and uncertainty.
Denial	Minimizing how bad things really areRationalizing unhealthy behavior (your own or someone else’s)Pretending you’re “fine” while overwhelmed	Protects from painful truths that feel too threatening to face. Protects against feeling powerless or useless.
Control	Trying to manage outcomes, emotions, or other peopleDifficulty delegatingGetting anxious when things feel unpredictable	Creates an illusion of safety in environments where unpredictability once caused harm.
Avoidance / Withdrawal	Emotional shutting downAvoiding conflict, needs, or vulnerabilityDistracting with work, caretaking, or busyness	Protects from being hurt, rejected, or overwhelmed.
Dissociation/ Numbing	Feeling “blank”, foggy, or checked outAvoiding inner experience	Protects against vulnerability and emotional intensity.
Perfectionism	Believing mistakes make you unlovableBeing overly self-criticalSetting impossible expectations/ overworking	A shield against shame, judgment, and feeling “not enough.”
Hyper-Responsibility	Feeling accountable for others’ feelingsApologizing excessivelyFeeling guilty when prioritizing yourself	Maintains harmony in relationships that historically felt fragile or explosive.
Repression of Needs	Not knowing what you wantFeeling guilty for having needsBelieving needs burden others	Needs were dangerous or ignored in the past—so you learned to suppress them.
Low Boundaries or Overly Rigid Boundaries	Low boundaries:Letting people take advantageDifficulty saying no Rigid boundaries:·       No one is allowed close enough to hurt you	Survival strategies formed around inconsistent or unsafe relationships.
Emotional Reactivity	Taking things personallyStrong reactions to others’ moodsFeeling “activated” when someone is upset	Hyper-attunement once helped you anticipate danger or keep peace.
Idealization / Fantasy	Seeing potential instead of realityFalling for emotionally unavailable or chaotic peopleBelieving you can “save” someone	Hope becomes a coping mechanism in unsafe or disappointing environments.